My dearest love,
I’m writing you today because I haven’t felt like myself in a while. I want to remind myself and let you know, that your father and myself are not the slightest bit close to perfect. But, we try our best always. There will be days that I struggle and you’ll see it, but I will never let that affect the way I am with you. Sometimes it’s not forgetting who I am, yet accepting who I am becoming. By the time you’re here, I want to be better than I am today. When your father and I met, I was so careless and free. I think I always will be a little, but I now have all of these fears of not being good enough of a mother for you. I’ve failed a lot. I’ve experienced a lot. I’ve had endless fun, but also endured a lot of hurt. Your father and I have done things I can only imagine you one day wanting to do if you’re anything like me. I just want to remind you to always be careful. Five years ago, I had a plan and I threw it away before I even started it. Now, I’ve written a new five year plan and I’ve promised myself to stick to it. I imagine our lives to be better in more ways than one in the next five years. I want you to have a better life than I ever did. Though, I want it to be better, I don’t want you to think that I will ever forget my past or the things I’ve done or gone through. I’ve messed up, I’ve worked my butt off, I’ve tried a few drugs once, your father and I were reckless when it came to many things and yet, I don’t regret any of it. I don’t regret any of it one bit, because all of the days I spent messing up or not doing my best, eventually led me to having you. And you, my love, are my greatest accomplishment. This letter is to tell you that no matter what you can come to me for anything. I will not judge you, get upset with you or laugh at you. I will do nothing except care for you, always, and only hope to teach you to look forward.
Love always, your mom
photos and words by Hanna Quevera | @hannaquevera