begging you to speak

I wasn’t always comfortable in my skin. Girls my age used me to compare themselves to, in order to make themselves feel better. Boys my age made sure I knew just how unattractive my lack of tits were. I am pale and was (actually) unhealthily skinny so of course nicknames and teasing was a reoccurring theme, and I was made to feel like if the popular kids didn’t like me or think I was attractive then no one would.

It really damaged how I viewed myself. When I was 16 I liked a girl a lot. Come to find out I had been lied to and manipulated into being the side chick. When obviously a ton of drama spiraled from that, she sent out photos I trusted her with. People I had trusted earlier that year and years prior showed their true colors once those photos were out. Plot twist- I wasn’t picked on for the pictures but those people I trusted saw an opportunity here. They SOLD THEM at the private school in my town. This started a shitstorm of trauma that I actually don’t think I’m ready to talk about, because honestly I’m far from healed from it.

I’m 20 now and still haven’t opened up about a lot of this to my parents even. Mostly because I just feel stupid for ever allowing this to go on as long as it did, and not taking legal action. I could’ve done something, so instead of allowing the regret to bring me down I want to use it as a teaching moment. Let my mistake be a lesson. SPEAK UP and SPEAK LOUD! FIND CONTROL! Never let someone silence you and never be afraid. If you have to, take that ass whopping from your parents! Whatever you do please, I’m begging you to speak.

written by Payton Moore

Payton Moore photographed by Anthony Lorenzo

Payton Moore | @pkm18 Anthony Lorenzo | @thegooddayvision

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