I was brave today.

As my alarm to the left of face challenged me to face a new day, a new attempt at life’s marathon of a race, I dared myself to open my eyes again.

and I did. 

I triple dog dared myself to get out of bed. I did. 

Simon said I should believe in myself today, 

so I did. 

I ring-around-a-rosied around fear today and today, I did not fall down.

Depression, you will not steal my joy today, you will not bully me into the ground. 

I was brave today.

I worked until my soul could say her feet hurt. I was tired.

Tired of chasing dreams that seemed to run away from me

like I’m not the one who created them. 

As I run, sweat as sharp as knives forms on my forehead and runs down my face causing blood to drip down my temples to the edge of my eyes, causing them to burn until tears run down and my vision for who I want to be is no longer clear. 

And when the race track has it’s lines repainted with my blood, sweat and tears, it's hard to know if I’m following the path of my dreams or following a detour back towards my fears. But I didn’t stop running.

I was brave today.

When I could no longer carry the universe on my shoulders, I asked for help.

I was brave today.

When darkness became a home I found rest in, I quickly found the next available door and ran out.

I was brave today.

You hurt me but I forgave you.

I was brave today.

When life seemed like a strand I could simply cut, a boy scout would be proud of me because I triple fisherman knotted more cords of happiness into my life so that nothing would come against me as I pulled myself out of that rut.

I was brave today.

When I had to choose between freedom of self or bondage of my pains, I chose freedom.

I was brave today.

When that toxic relationship seeped into my bloodstream, I had to be repackaged with a warning sign for future consumers. But I put myself through dialysis and swapped tainted blood with my own power again and walked away from that.

I was brave today.

When anxiety had it’s foot on my chest and told me to stay down, I looked it straight in the eyes and said “You will not win today”

I was brave today.

I wrote my thoughts on paper and was afraid I wouldn't have the courage to share my heart today. But I did it anyways.

I was brave today.

-written by Tatyana Kiahra

Tatyana Kiahra photographed by Kemani Stylzz.

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