Updated: Jan 31, 2020

Your heart adored my sweet disposition

Another day with a standard mission

My nine-to-five is unremarkable

But we are content with conventional

Regime, habits, all is customary

Everything but revolutionary

Lacking excitement, lovers so cheerful

Seeking to make our routine meaningful

You are unaware of my condition

It will pierce through you like ammunition

I’ll lie awake in bed, won’t sleep for now

Speaking quickly, a loud siren of thoughts

You hate me as they fill your mind ajar

I am jumpy, touchy agitated

No control do I retain here again

Dance until the early morning sunrise

Throw hands with any inconveniences

Thoughts race through my head, I cannot slow down

Excessive spending and risky living

This week I’ll fly up high, then I’ll crash down

A hopeless depth so dark I’ll die inside

No more food and no more bathing for now

All happy thoughts will flee from my dull mind

Oh death, oh numbness, conquer my body

Constrained, manic, crazy, panic, chronic

My state drives us insane, none should trust me

I’m untrustworthy, unpredictable

Undeserving of your love, six-feet down

I’ll be accomodating, and they’ll say

“Thank God. Finally she’s tolerable.”

written by Chloe Ray

Jaquan Jones photographed by Samuel Angiulli

Jacquan Jones | @jaquan.joness Samuel Angiulli | @anguilli_photos

Chloe Ray | @thechloeray

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