Life doesn't stop moving, so neither will we

Wow… its been a long time since I’ve read my own words…

I felt cheated. Cheated of my youth, my trust, my happiness… I felt like life had gotten one over on me. I was the naïve one, I believed, hoped, and prayed everyday. I was the patient one, believing that he didn’t mean to crash my car when he was drunk. I was the kind one for not reporting it. I didn’t envy when he would just sit there and not defend me in front of his family after all he put me through. I didn’t boast when I finally got enough for the house’s down payment. I wasn’t proud, never shoved it in his face that I was the one that saved our asses every time. I wasn’t rude, not once, to his family or friends, while they all gave me looks, ignored me, talked about me. I was never self-seeking, I put my career and school on hold to help him achieve HIS dream. I wasn’t angered when he stayed out late, leaving me to stay with our newborn. I never kept any records of wrong, until I had enough. I most definitely rejoiced in the truth when I found out you were just using me to get ahead. You didn’t need me, you just needed what I had to offer. I protected you from my family, trusted your every word, hoped we would make it out alive; I never gave up and persevered through it all. I never failed you, until I did, but only by setting myself free and clawing my way out.

When I think about it now, anger, relief, and something in between still swims around in my heart. He lives like I never existed. Like he’s never hurts anyone. Like he didn’t take the greatest I had to offer and devoured my dreams. Healing is a process and I won’t lie to you. The pain is still there. I can’t kiss anyone the same; I have trouble believing what anyone has to say, go anywhere without feeling incomplete. I have to figure out who I am, who I was on my way to being before he rudely interrupted my growth. I won’t be side-tracked again. I know the signs; I’m trying to move on. But when I think about him standing on his pedestal and I see how others think he’s innocent, my heart aches. No one sees my pain. No doctor’s report could convince the judge. My wild “exaggerations” denied me protection when I needed it most, simply because his mother holds a badge. I felt myself screaming out to anyone who would listen, but even in the deepest darkest places, there was no connection. No one to listen. I was completely alone with my newborn son in a huge city hundreds of miles away from any friends or family. So, I conserved my strength and built my own way out of where I was. I’m still building my empire and finding women like me along the way to whom I want to say, “I hear you, how can I help you see you for the beautiful light that you are, and where are we going next?” Because life doesn’t stop moving, so neither will we. 

Amy Galan photographed by Casie Weathers.

Amy Galan photographed by Casie Weathers.

14 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All