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The reason I feel like this Is because I don’t think you’ll ever be ready And as you walk out the door With the picture I found for you Chicago echos in my ears Your laugh lingers in my living room I feel the bass of your car in my spine The last taste of your lips near the front door I hear the lighter flicker in the back of my brain The rustling of you adjusting

I feel it. You leave but you’re still here

I touch my necklace and feel yours Skinny. Gold. Light Chain. Wrapped around my fingers Matching the style of my legs Wrapped Around your waist

You left. But you’re still here Tears well in my eyes You’re leaving again. I don’t cry in front of you It’s not me I take off the shirt of emotions I accidentally slipped on after you slipped out my bed We have left the room that we so easily pretend in The bed of heavy blankets and heavy hearts Where your hands held mine Where my fingertips traced the hairs on the back of your neck Where we laughed after catching our breath I can still feel the heat of your heavy sighs on my chest We walk through the hallway, a portal Bringing us back to the reality of things Dirty white sneakers disappear around the corner My steps are heavy With the weight of my emotions I’m so scared There it is again The laughter It’s hurting this time It’s echoing like a whistle sharp I want it to stop This time I want it to stop It’s usually my favorite song This time i need it to stop

You left But you’re still here You took the breath from my lungs You took the warmth from my skin But

I hope you stay warm You need the warmth I wish you were ready I wish you were still here With those nervous hands and twitchy eyes You’ll never be ready You’ll always crave more I realized all this when You walked right out of my door With the knot tickling my throat The tickle becomes a painful beat With the tears banging on the back of my eyes I refuse to open the door to let them in With my fists clenching Knees locking Head throbbing Heart pounding Just one More Step

Come back, I scream But no words come out Silence has never been so deafening

You left Yet you’re still Here. You’re still here.

-written by Sarah Desourdy

Photo by Sarah Desourdy

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