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nanoseconds


Rachel photographed by Mckenna Hudson

they never tell you that 

building a life for yourself 

is a lot like building a giant sculpture 

with no sculpting experience 

no proper tools, no teacher 

just you, a huge block of stone, a stick 

and all of the time in the world -

as long as your heart will beat.  


even getting out of bed 

with a mind full of things 

that must be done 

can feel like moving a mountain 

and yet, somehow, the day goes on 

it all goes on

whether we want it to or not 


minutes pass by like nanoseconds 

when we are with someone we cherish 

doing something we live for 

we know this 

but it is hard to accept 


time is something we constructed 

which is why it is so god damn frustrating

when you leave ten minutes early 

and still end up being ten minutes late 


although I try to be intentional 

mindful of each step of the process 

as it molds and shifts 

I do my best not break it down 

I remind myself to sit back 

to relax my muscles, my jaw 

and enjoy what is in front of me 

while it is still there 


before the remnants of the smells of 

those who were once in front of me 

linger through the halls of the house 

sending chills down my spine 

that make me briefly shiver just long

enough to make me uncomfortable 


the shivers go away 

I feel back in tune with things 

I ease into my usual frame of mind 

suddenly it hits me 

I lost track of it 

the time 


a rush of adrenaline 

races through me 

I’m ready to go 

I should have somewhere to be 

something to do 

someone to hangout with 

but I don’t 


sitting here alone makes me feel like 

I am wasting time when I could be 

making memories with someone else 


I remind myself again 

I cannot be fully 

present in these moments 

I so badly 

want to fill my life with 

if I don’t get better 

about dedicating time 

to sit 

alone 

taking care of myself 

listening to my quietest voice 

and not feel guilty about it 


-written by Sarah Maria 


Rachel photographed by Mckenna Hudson

Rachel photographed by Mckenna Hudson

Rachel photographed by Mckenna Hudson

Rachel photographed by Mckenna Hudson

Rachel photographed by Mckenna Hudson

Rachel photographed by Mckenna Hudson

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