nanoseconds
they never tell you that
building a life for yourself
is a lot like building a giant sculpture
with no sculpting experience
no proper tools, no teacher
just you, a huge block of stone, a stick
and all of the time in the world -
as long as your heart will beat.
even getting out of bed
with a mind full of things
that must be done
can feel like moving a mountain
and yet, somehow, the day goes on
it all goes on
whether we want it to or not
minutes pass by like nanoseconds
when we are with someone we cherish
doing something we live for
we know this
but it is hard to accept
time is something we constructed
which is why it is so god damn frustrating
when you leave ten minutes early
and still end up being ten minutes late
although I try to be intentional
mindful of each step of the process
as it molds and shifts
I do my best not break it down
I remind myself to sit back
to relax my muscles, my jaw
and enjoy what is in front of me
while it is still there
before the remnants of the smells of
those who were once in front of me
linger through the halls of the house
sending chills down my spine
that make me briefly shiver just long
enough to make me uncomfortable
the shivers go away
I feel back in tune with things
I ease into my usual frame of mind
suddenly it hits me
I lost track of it
the time
a rush of adrenaline
races through me
I’m ready to go
I should have somewhere to be
something to do
someone to hangout with
but I don’t
sitting here alone makes me feel like
I am wasting time when I could be
making memories with someone else
I remind myself again
I cannot be fully
present in these moments
I so badly
want to fill my life with
if I don’t get better
about dedicating time
to sit
alone
taking care of myself
listening to my quietest voice
and not feel guilty about it
-written by Sarah Maria
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